My kids and I were just passing by a hotel on our way to rehearsal and Emma, as she often does, read aloud what was on the sign:
Emma: Hos... lity
Me: Hosp... t'lity?
Emma: Nope, just Hos, space, space, space, space, lity.
Me: Oh, maybe that's their new slogan...
Emma: What?
Me: "We take the 'pain in the ass' out of 'hospitality.'"
Emma and Simon: Huh?
Then, of course, I had to explain the acronym "PITA." It was what educators call a "teachable moment."
"I'm not throwing a fit!
I'm... gently tossing a fit."
This boy definitely has a future as a comedy writer.
Or a lawyer.
Or a philosopher.
As of June 23 I will be residing at 5209 London Road in Duluth [satellite]. It's a beautiful house and I and the kids are very excited about taking up residence there. I'm hoping it will be our home for years and years, even decades, to come.
My kids and I are going to be traveling to Washington DC next month for 3 days to see the sites. When I ask them what they want to do there the things that come are the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial, the Mall, the Capitol Building, and the White House. They also have a vague idea that there are a few museums around the area that might be fun to go to.
I thought I'd ask you, gentle reader, to suggest some good things for us to do while there. I remind you that my kids are 10 and 13.
Also, we'll be staying at the Red Roof Inn so that will be our HQ. Here's our hotel on Flash Earth. We'll be traveling in by train so we won't have a car at our disposal, so we'll either be walking, taking a cab, or public transportation.
I knew Carrie back in West Lafayette, Indiana. She was a frequent headliner at a Friday night coffee house I helped start and she and I collaborated on some theater projects. She also sang at my wedding back in 91. It's nice to see her going strong and putting out material on her own YouTube channel.
Emma and Simon just spent the last three days at Wolf Ridge Environmental Learning Center with a score of homeschoolers. They learned survival skills, map and compass work, went snowshoeing, did the high ropes course, rock climbing, etc. The above activity was acting as a human bird feeder for some chickadees. A useful skill, no doubt.
I've been doing a lot of funerals lately and it's always interesting to hear how people are remembered and for what. Here are some common things I do and say that I hope my children will remember about me when I'm dead.
He likes to brush... his teeth! He likes to brush... his teeth!But I don't mind being remembered for that.
He takes his toothbrush with him wherever he goes, because
He likes to brush... his teeth! He likes to brush... his teeth!
Lucy is incredulous about her headgear. Emma took the photo this afternoon.
My friend, Carl Klutzke, appears in this episode of Across Indiana. He's a part of this group which samples Reuben Sandwiches every other Tuesday and then rates them on the Reuben Realm. I've added a few comments of my own. Just for flavor.
Here is the gang's review of the Tie Dye Grill, where you see them eating in the video. They gave it pretty high marks over all.
Just because it's called "homeschooling" doesn't mean you hang out at home all day.
Here's a picture of Emma (in the blue) out on an "(ed)Venture" on February 6. She, Simon, and their homeschool buddies, Dane and Ben, have been doing Wednesday activities with them including dog-sledding and snowshoeing. They didn't just go out for a sleigh ride. The instructors taught them how to put on the harness and they took turns driving.
Emma has Lyme disease according to her blood test. Fortunately that is a lot better than the alternative diagnosis, which was juvenile arthritis. I mean, who wants that? So she's on antibiotics for the next month and being monitored closely by her doctor. Hopefully a round of antibiotics will kick it. The scary thing is that probably this has gone undiagnosed for months. The worst thing according to Emma is that she can't have any dairy within an hour of taking her antibiotics twice a day.
My daughter, Emma, has restarted her occasional comic series, "My Life Sucks," for Lent. Like last year she's going to attempt to draw a four panel comic for every day of Lent. I'm encouraging her to post them on her blog because they are just too good not to share, in my humble opinion. Then again, I'm biased.
By the way, all the events depicted in this comic did, in fact, occur yesterday. Yes, indeedy... fun, fun, fun.
I'm planning on going to see The Book of Liz tomorrow night at Renegade Comedy Theater. The kids saw the postcard ad over lunch and were impressed that it was written by Amy & David Sedaris. They started to ask if they could come but noticed the caveat - "This show contains adult language."
Emma smirked and said, "'Adult Language' means you say 'maybe' when you mean 'no.'"
Simon laughed and rejoined, "Unless you say it like this - 'Maaaaaaaaaybe' - in which case it means 'yes.' Adult language is a tonal language."
I love my brainy, smart alecky kids.
I was reminded at breakfast yesterday that my son, Simon, is 10 of the funniest people I know. He made some off handed seeming non sequitur about Snow White. Emma and I roared with laughter. Emma told him that he should do stand up comedy and he reminded us that he'd only do "sit down comedy." I had forgotten about his plan.
"Sit down comedy" (TM) is Simon's approach to comedy. Yes, my ten year old has an "approach" to comedy. Got a problem with that? Didn't think so.
Simon's plan is that you'd hire him as a comedian and he'd come out to dinner with you and, say, 5 or 6 of your friends. He'd sit down at the table with you and talk, and you'd laugh, because he's funny, and you'd pick up the tab for his (vegetarian) meal and pay him his normal fee. That's the life of a "sit down comic" (TM).
I think it's brilliant and he's beyond the cutting edge of entertainment. It's completely personalized for the individual need and it's not about someone standing in front of you and showing how wonderful she or he is, it's about building comedy out of a relationship that develops and is unique every time.
Frankly, I'm happy to be his training ground.
| Here are some pictures of Emma and Simon and their friends Kai, Dane, and Annika on Halloween night. This was the first Halloween when I didn't walk with them the whole way and let them go out on their own a bit. Scary for me, but great fun for them. They trick or treated a gas station, of all places. They went in and they didn't have any candy for them, but promised they would if they came back in a few minutes. They did and they did. When they got back there was the requisite candy exchange. For the record Reese's Cups are the gold standard. Neco Wafers are pretty much down at the bottom. Also "Fun Size" candy bars have apparently gotten even smaller. Some fun. Thanks to Amanda for the photos. |
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Only 40.
Maria had quite the birthday slash costume party this past Friday. The costumes were fun and eclectic. Our hostess with the mostest made this elegant and creepy Legend inspired bride of the damned outfit.
I came as a Magic 8 Ball - shaving and painting my head for the occasion. I went around with a pouch full of the 20 standard Magic 8 Ball responses and invited people to ask a question and shake me. It was hands down the most fun costume I've ever done as far as participation.
Emma came as a witch with a hat that kept falling off owing to her abnormally large cranium.
Simon came as a nerd. I know, a reallll stretch there for Simon.
Check out other pictures from the party on Maria's fickr site.
Fuzzy did this video of Dirt Bike by They Might Be Giants in his continuing attempts to Impress These Apes. I'm amazed that he got handed this song randomly as I know we both love TMBG. In fact, I believe it was Fuzzy who turned me on to this band back many years ago.
Today is Simon's birthday and, even though we are staying over at a friend's house, I was sure to wake him up with a wet washcloth to the face. This is how I was traditionally woken on my birthday as was my father before me. I don't really know how far this tradition goes back.
The impetus of the tradition is simple enough. It's to make sure you have a clean face at least once a year. In this way it's somewhat akin to changing the batteries in your smoke alarms when you change your clocks for daylight savings time.
As straight-forward as this family tradition seems (to me, at least) I've been surprised to find that this seems to be unique to our family. So I'm just curious if anyone else out there practices this tradition or, if not, what are your peculiar family traditions surrounding birthdays?
So on the 10 hour trip between Two Harbors and Joliet today we had the requisite "what's with that?" discussions in the car. Emma started randomly singing "That's Amore"...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.and I stopped her and said, "Say what?"
First of all, neither of us have ever been hit in the eye by either a naturally occuring satellite or a doughy comestible with cheese and tomato sauce.
Second of all, when we extrapolate what we know of pizza and the moon we doubt that the experience of being hit in the eye by said objects would be at all comparable. The first would be mildly inconvenient while the second would be undoubtedly fatal.
Third of all, whether pizza or moon, we can't figure out how being hit in the eye by either of them would be even roughly analogous to the state of being in love.
This whole conversation caused my daughter to sing:
When something from space hits you in the face, that's like love.Any words of clarification would be most welcomed.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my friend Fuzzy with a song about Fuzzy written by Fuzzy and performed by Fuzzy.
It don't get much more Fuzzy than this.
Why is he doing this? He's trying to impress these apes.
Simon is away at camp this week and over the last two days I've received two calls asking if he can come on-line to play World of Warcraft. And I realized, no one ever knocks on our door and asks if Simon can come outside to play.
It's not that he never goes out to play, but it's always scheduled or people call. No one just shows up at the door and asks, "Can Simon come out and play?"
Is this the new norm?
My son, Simon, just finished a summer of Pee Wee League baseball this week. He improved a lot over the summer and learned the important skill of how to run to first base.
First, you have to unencumber yourself. The first time he ran to first in a game he took the bat most of the way with him before he remembered to discard it. While the bat was essential to set in motion the events that allowed him to run to first, the bat is no longer useful and, in fact, is a detriment for the actual act of running to first.
Second, you have to detach yourself. Once the ball is hit, it's gone. You no longer have any control over it. It's tempting to watch the ball, its trajectory, its journey, whether it's caught or not, but what if it is? You can't do anything about that. you have to detach yourself from it.
Third, focus yourself on the goal. Unencumbered and detached, you now only have one objective. Run to first. That is your only goal. The ball may get there before you, it may not. That doesn't matter. This is no time for distractions or half-hearted effort. Run!
Once you get to first safely then is the time for further evaluation. Are you out? Are you safe? Do you need to run further? Many permutations and possibilities can be considered, but only after you've made it to first.
I've learned a lot from my son this summer.
My friend Maria is making birdhouses now (for decorative use only) and since I haven't plugged her artsy craftiness (or is that craftsy artiness?) in awhile, I will now!
Fuzzy tagged me for this post. I quote:
The purpose of this meme is to get people talking about their passion in life. It’s called the 5/5 meme. Five questions, then pass it to five people. "Expertise" could be your profession, hobby, or area of intense interest.Name your area of expertise/interest: Well, I considered lots of things that I do and enjoy - roleplaying, improv, writing, on-line gaming - but I decided to tackle the one that defines me to most people most of the time - preaching.
How did you become interested in it?
I think I've always been fascinated by preachers and preaching. There's showmanship and scholarship, ritual and tomfoolery. As a preacher you can be both the sage and the village idiot at the same time. Shaman, priests, monks, and holy people of all stripes have always been of interest to me.
My kids, Simon and Emma, are at Disney World right now with their mom. Simon wrote up a little bit about his visit thus far on his blog. My favorite excerpt is his description of the "It's a Small World" ride.
Never. EVER. EVER! Go on this ride if you are eight or older. Unless your an adult who likes stuff that's really cute. It is torture. A bunch of little puppets that sing "It's a small world" OVER and OVER and OVER again. No really. That's all it is. Toddlers may enjoy this, but I loathed it with all my heart, mind and soul. The only reason I went on was that was "Because it's an iconic Disney experience"- My mom. You have been warned.
That's my boy.
My daughter Emma took as her Lenten discipline to draw one four frame comic every day for all of Lent. That, of course, ended with Easter, but she has continued to draw little slice of life comics from time to time. Today was one of those times and it happened to coincide with our getting a new printer/scanner/copier so she scanned it and put it up on her website for all the world to enjoy. I'm encouraging her to put up some of her other comics so stay tuned to her blog for more installments as she sees fit.
I know I'm her father and biased, but I think she's has a great eye and can frame a story really well. I also like how she uses anthropomorphized animals to represent everyone. I, it turns out, am a goat, mainly owing to my beard, I think, and not at all a commentary on my personality. Right, Emma?
From the files of Random Childhood Memories: I couldn't have been more than 8. My family was on vacation and I remember my parents wanted to take us to some sort of roadside attraction where they recreated the story of the Wizard of Oz. I think the sign said something like "Join Dorothy on her journey to Oz!" or something like that. I can't tell you how it was because I refused to go.
In my kid brain I had some facts. I knew the story of the Wizard of Oz. I knew how Dorothy got to Oz. I knew the devastating power and unpredictability of tornadoes. And there was no way I was going to get into one of them, no matter how safe my parents said it would be. Frankly, I thought they'd lost their minds. How could they assure me that a tornado would be safe?
Of course, it probably was perfectly safe. I was overreacting. I should have trusted my parents. My fault in reasoning as a kid, really, was embuing grown ups with the power to make tornadoes occur on a whim. I know now that they can't really do that. But, you know, I'm not sure my instinct was wrong.
The world is not a safe place, no matter how much grown ups assure you that it is. Grown ups can't always be there to protect you. And they don't have as much power as we pretend they do.
The best thing for it, I have found, is to grow up myself and not count on grown ups to keep me safe. It's a hard thing to face your fears, to prepare yourself, to acknowledge simultaneously how powerful and powerless you are.
In training for this I have ridden roller coasters, eaten sushi, had kids, and a slew of other very scary things.
Now I have children who are sometimes frightened by how powerful and powerless they are. I'm with you.
Fuzzy tagged me to post six weird things about me and, of course, I was compelled to do so. So here it goes.
1. When given a fortune cookie I will break it open, eat half immediately, then read the fortune. If I like the fortune I will eat the other half. If not, I leave the other half uneaten (or give it to my son, Simon).
2. I often break into song at the mere mention of something. While some people think musicals are weird because people suddenly start singing for no apparent reason, I find that perfectly normal. Oh, and I'm not that great of a singer.
3. I randomly make up my own idiosyncratic sign language. This is a passtime I share with my kids. For example, we have signs for "big and crunchy," "comparing noses," and "plotting deliciousness."
4. If the toilet paper is not oriented with the sheet hanging down in the front I will take off the roll and reorient it, even if this is in a public restroom.
5. I watch so little TV that last year after the election I realized that the only election ads I saw were those I sought out on YouTube.
6. My ex-wife, Charlotte, and I are still really good friends. In fact, when I couldn't think up a sixth weird thing, I called her to suggest one.
Fuzzy had LASIK surgery so he sent these glasses to my kids, Emma and Simon.
The glasses are amusing enough, but we loved the advisory text on the packaging - "Daring! Don't fear of my eyes."
Thanks, Fuzzy!
Emma's birthday was today and what she's been craving, for about the last 3 weeks by my count, is a "tricked out burger." So we took her to Chester Creek Cafe today for lunch where she got her free range, organic burger with the works. She didn't get a Sprite to wash it down with though.
After lunch she and her mom went shopping for Oscar wear for an Oscar night party in the works.
Then we went down to Va Bene and got some gelato for dessert. I had bananas foster gelato, Simon had spumoni, Emma had pecan honey vanilla gelato and mango sorbet, and Charlotte had rum raisin and coffee gelato.
According to Emma, it was a very good birthday.
| This is your castle birthday cake... | This is your castle birthday cake after your bizarre children and friends lay siege to it... |
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When this picture taken by Amanda Odeski of my daughter Emma (right) and her good friend, Emily, appeared in the Duluth News Tribune I got a lot of clippings from people.
What I didn't know until just now was that it was entered into running in the Minnesota News Photographers Association Picture of the Year 2005 competition and it came in third in the Features category.
We who know Emma are not surprised.
Sure, she looks innocent enough, but that's what she wants you to think.
This is my daugther Emma modeling some fairyware for my friend Maria.
My friend Maria now has a splashy storefront for her on-line shop of artsy crafty things like fairy wings and button head dolls. She's swell and you really should go buy things from her and support independent craft folk.
As an early Christmas present I got my kids their own web domains and are helping them set up their own blogs. Simon started his with a short video entry. I'm his technical assistant and we had a lot of fun learning how to do some basic video editing. If the quality of the video looks lousy, it's because we're using an el cheapo three year old web cam.
Fuzzy is on The Show with Ze Frank for about one tenth of a second. See if you can spot him! Or you can watch the complete uncut extended intro version.
To get into the prestigious Oxford University Department of Philosophy this year applicants in their live interview will be asked "Are you cool?"
Not only do I think this is a great question, it is one that I have used in an interview. Back in 1992 we were putting together an ensemble drama group for a summer camp and the final question of the interview was "Are you any cool?" The best answer, by the way, was from Liz who said, "No!"
As Liz is now living in Buffalo, which was hit by a freak October snow storm this week, I expect she is very cool now.
Potential Oxford philosophers take note.
or at least she has wings like one. She and my friend Maria (smirking right) went out to Chester Park earlier this week to take some photos for Maria's new online store of her fabulous crafty art... or arty craft... not really sure. At any rate, you should go there now and buy some unique fairy wear.
My kids and I are enjoying camp this week. Which led to a discussion about lanyards with my friend Fuzzy. Which reminded me of this poem by Billy Collins. Enjoy!
The Lanyard by Billy Collins
The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.
So my kids and I went and bought bikes last weekend celebrating the end of school and the official beginning of summer. I was pleased to find our local store had Huffy bikes because I knew they were made in Celina, Ohio, near where I grew up, and I told my kids this. Emma looked at the tag on the bike and said, "Papa, where in China did you grow up?" Yep, Huffy outsourced.
Yesterday I bought, assembled, and used our new mower. Yep, it's a pushie. It seemed quaint and antiquarian but practical. And it fit some basic needs of mine:
1) Affordable: At $125 it wasn't dirt cheap, but not bad considering I was looking forward to a summer of paying the neighbor kid $15 a mow. Additionally, no gas, and that is no small consideration these days.
2) Low Maintainance: I'm lazy.
3) Green: I can now mow the grass with the fervor of an environmental zealot, knowing that not only am I saving myself from the scurlious stares of lawn conscious neighbors, but every time I use it I am a poster boy for conscientious environmentalism. I am neither consuming fossil fuels nor am I contributing to global warming. And isn't half the fun of being green that self-important feeling of being greener-than-thou?
