Ploink!
Written for Chicken Hat 1
Rubber Chicken Productions
Proctor, Minnesota
May 30, 2008

Lawrence Lee

Who: An Expensive Radio Consultant
What: A Hatful of Jellybeans
Where: A Dock
Cameo: Mayor Steve Anderson of Proctor

Characters:
MEG – a radio engineer
HANNAH – a radio on-air personality
BUD – an expensive radio consultant

Props:
A Hat
Jellybeans – a couple bags

[Lights up on MEG and HANNAH sitting on a dock (desk?) with a hat between them. One by one they are taking turns pulling jellybeans out of the hat, naming their color, and throwing them into the lake. Every time they throw one into the lake it is followed by a PLOINK sound effect. The length between when they throw it and when the PLOINK occurs can be varied for comedic effect.]

MEG – Red. *

* [Or whatever color it actually is. Throws the jellybean off the dock. SFX – PLOINK!]

HANNAH – Purple. *

MEG – Yellow. *

HANNAH – Green. *

MEG – Green. *

HANNAH – Orange. *

[This goes on for a good long while. It’s clear this is draining on them though HANNAH tries to remain cheerful with varying degrees of success.]

MEG – Can you remind me why we are doing this? Black. *

HANNAH – It’s an exercise. Green. *

MEG – An exercise in futility. Red. *

HANNAH – No, you heard the speaker. This is to prepare us to free ourselves for less critical and more creative thinking. Purple. *

MEG – [a take] Pink. *

HANNAH – The jellybeans are a metaphor… for our attachments… and we’re ridding ourselves of them. Orange. *

MEG – Couldn’t we rid ourselves of our metaphorical attachments by eating them instead? Yellow. *

HANNAH – No, that would invalidate the exercise. We can’t detach ourselves from something we eat. Red *

MEG – Oh really? What did you have for breakfast this morning? Purple. *

HANNAH – [thinks a bit] Yogurt and toast, with lite margarine, and grapefruit juice. Orange. *

MEG – And yesterday? Pink. *

HANNAH – [thinks harder] Coffee and a bagel, no, wait, I don’t think I had breakfast yesterday. I think that was Monday. Red. *

MEG – You sound sufficiently unattached from your breakfast. Yellow. *

HANNAH – That’s not what he meant by attachment. We are practicing naming and discarding things so that we can lessen our anxiety about change because, in a climate of corporate upheaval, we need to be able to let go. [proud of herself] Green! *

MEG – How much is the station paying this guy? Black. *

HANNAH – Oh, he comes highly recommended. He did a seminar with KRKW last spring and now their drivetime show share is going through the roof. Purple. *

MEG – Right. Green. *

HANNAH – Black. *

MEG – It’s just… it’s not really naming, is it? Orange. *

HANNAH – What do you mean? Orange. *

MEG – Well, you aren’t really naming something by describing the color of it. Like your name is Hannah. It isn’t pasty beige. White. *

HANNAH – [takes some umbrage] But he told us in the session… [picks up a jellybean]

MEG – [stops her from throwing it] I know what he told us, but it’s not really the same thing, is it? I mean we might as well say “kinda round” or “about a half inch long” or “about five grams”…

HANNAH – Don’t use the metric system. It confuses me.

MEG – Look, this exercise just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s meaningless… and a perfectly good waste of jellybeans.

HANNAH – [defiantly] Red! *

MEG – [folds her arms]

HANNAH – [urges MEG to take one] Come on… What if they are watching?

MEG – [studies nails]

HANNAH – [grabs MEG’s hand and sticks it in the hat and makes her pull one out]

MEG – [shocked at HANNAH’s behavior, but doesn’t stop her]

HANNAH – [stage whisper] It’s green. [or whatever color it is] C’mon… Say it’s green.

MEG – It’s a tiny bit of sugar and high fructose corn syrup with edible dye and… [pops it in her mouth] it’s delicious.

HANNAH – [shocked] You can’t do that!

MEG – Watch me! I’m not even looking at what color it is! [takes one out and pops it in her mouth]

HANNAH – You’re ruining the exercise!

MEG – I’m so detached I don’t care! [takes one out of the hat and throws it in the air catching it in her mouth] I think that one was black because it tasted like licorice.

HANNAH – Stop it!

MEG – You want me to stop it?

HANNAH – Yes! Just do the exercise! This guy knows what he is doing! Why else would we pay him so much money?

MEG – Because… we’re idiots?

HANNAH – [glowers]

MEG – Okay. I’ll do the exercise. [picks up the hat and looks inside] Rainbow! [throws all of the jellybeans out of the hat, SFX – lots of PLOINKS] Exercise over! I feel very detached now.

HANNAH – [gaping at MEG in disbelief]

BUD – [enters and sees the empty hat] Oh, excellent! Well done! You obviously are making progress. [refills the hat with jellybeans from a bag he has with him and exits]

HANNAH – [smiles superiorly at MEG]

MEG – [defeated] Orange. *

HANNAH – Green. *

MEG – Purple. *

[and so on, lights out]