Props
Maria and I went to see Rachel Getting Married last night and I've been sorting through the themes and threads ever since, even in my dreams, which were very active last night. I always think a sign of a good movie is when it won't leave you alone after you've watched it, even in your subconscious.
Without giving much away, if you want to go see the film and haven't, the main conflict of the film is between Kym, who has just been released from rehab, and her sister Rachel who, as you might guess, is getting married. Rachel, of course, wants the perfect wedding, and that means people behaving in a particular sort of way. Kym has her own drama to play out.
I've said for a long time that weddings are about power and status. They're about who stands next to whom, who sits at what table, who does what at what time, etc. Rachel's wedding, though idyllic in so many ways, is the same.
Key to the conflict is that Kym and Rachel so desperately love each other and share so much loss and pain together but they treat each other like props in their personal dramas - Rachel's wedding drama and Kym's recovery drama.
It was poignant and refreshing to see a movie in which no one was the bad guy and no one was the hero. I found myself identifying with all of these flawed characters in turn and loving them and being repulsed at the same time. Pretty human, really.
Comments
You know, it's funny, but I agree with you some on that. I always had (ever-changing) ideas about how I wanted my wedding to be, but once we got engaged, it was amazing how much we had to accommodate friends and family for something that was supposed to be ours. Brett's mom filed for divorce abt 6 wks after we got engaged, and that was obviously a dominant issue. There were others' religious issues to take into account, which determined the venue. My friend Bonnie wanted us to have a buffet, which we couldn't afford (because of the venue). My mom was always picking at whatever we chose and telling me to elope (I had to tell her to knock it off--I never have the guts to tell my mom that!); my sister-in-law insisted we put her daughters in the wedding party; I couldn't put my sisters in because there are too many. On the actual day, there were all sorts of logistic shenanigans because my friend Patrick had my car; then my family was staying at my apartment and was too engrossed in a Colts game to get ready. My mom kept telling me, "they can't start until you get there," but I only had one bathroom and they needed to get done so I could get my hair together (always a horrible task). She was wrong, too, btw. We had inadvertently picked the worst possible day in Sept--the White River fireworks--and if we had been much later, we'd have been stuck in traffic for who knows how long.
It was fun, though. I loved planning it (not that it took all that much), and that 5 1/2 months--along with my pregnancies--have been the most exciting times of my life thus far.
Posted by: Leah | January 25, 2009 3:58 PM
I just did a premarital session today. I think it's okay to be somewhat jaded about these things.
The thing is, I'm cynical in general, but I tend to be very romantic in the specifics. I tend to enjoy the weddings that I do.
Posted by: ironic1 | January 25, 2009 4:18 PM
Premarital for you? Or were you doing the counseling? (Yeah, I'm sly like that) :)
We didn't have premarital counseling. But we're old and laid back. Make sure you tell the woman that her husband will not be able to find anything, ever, and he will never see the chores that have to be done, even if he has to step over the full cat box and the trash bag and the 12 boxes of Christmas decorations and the kid with the smelly diaper to get to the TV. It's just how 95% of men are. Once she reconciles herself to this, she will save herself poss. 80-90% of marital angst. Seriously :)
Posted by: Leah | January 25, 2009 4:36 PM
Oh...and as much as you, the bride, think the day will be "yours," nah.... It's more about your guests. The honeymoon--that's about the two of you. I wouldn't ever advise blowing wads of cash, but if you do, do it for your honeymoon or your house, not on a party. Srsly. We paid cash for ours. It was nice to not have those bills waiting when we came home.
Posted by: brettguinn@hotmail.com | January 25, 2009 4:39 PM
Your wedding to Charlotte was lovely, btw. And obviously I borrowed 2 big ideas from it..the "dude of honor," and the "let your bridesmaids pick their own dresses." That was an awesome idea--thank you, Charlotte!
Posted by: Leah | January 25, 2009 5:00 PM
Well, no premarital counseling for me. Counseling, yes, but not of the premarital variety. Heather and I broke up in November. So I'm back to being a curmudgeonly, old bachelor again.
Posted by: ironic1 | January 25, 2009 5:53 PM
Spring's coming.... better get practicing shaking your fist to keep those durn kids off yer lawn!
Posted by: Leah | January 25, 2009 6:07 PM