What Just Happened
Well, here's my second Out of the Hat installment for the weekend. My prompts for tonight were:
Who: The traveling TB patient
What: copier machine
Where: in a UPS truck
I sort of cheated in that my Who became my What and my What became my Where and my Where became my Who... but who cares?
I really like this script not because it's brilliant, but because it's brilliantly simple. It is definitely an actor's script. It should be easy to learn and quick to put up on its feet and good actors should have a ball with it.
Anybody who has done improv will recognize immediately that this is based on an old short form game called "emo replay" where you do a simple scene over several times with different emotional overlays. This is really no more than a scripted form of that.
What Just Happened
written for Out of the Hat 9
Renegade Comedy Theatre
Duluth, Minnesota
CAST:
FELICITY – manager
MARSHA – temp worker
GREG – UPS driver
SCENE 1
LIGHTS UP
MARSHA (enters room, papers in hand, starts to use copier) It’s not working! (messes with copier)
FELICITY (enters) Hello, Marsha.
MARSHA Hello, Ms. Walker.
FELICITY Please, call me Felicity. Problems?
MARSHA I can’t seem to get this copier to work. It seems broken.
FELICITY Let me see if I can make it work.
MARSHA Thanks. I’ve never been good with machines. They kind of scare me.
FELICITY You just have to show them who’s boss. Ah, here’s your problem. You’re out of toner.
MARSHA Toner?
FELICITY The ink. It’s out. (starts to look around) Well, help me find some. There should be some around here somewhere.
MARSHA What am I looking for?
FELICITY A box marked “toner.” There should be some around her somewhere. (searches for a bit) And it’s not that scary.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY Machines aren’t that scary. They are predictable. It’s people who are scary. Especially people like that guy who traveled all over the world with an untreatable case of tuberculosis. That’s scary.
MARSHA Yeah, I suppose so.
GREG (enters and coughs to alert the two to his presence) Excuse me, ladies. I’ve got a UPS delivery here.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY What do you have for us… (looks at nametag) Greg?
GREG (looks at box) Errr… toner.
MARSHA My hero!
FELICITY That’s exactly what we need. You showed up in the nick of time, Greg.
GREG Well, where do you want me to put it?
MARSHA Oh, put it anywhere.
FELICITY (interrupting GREG as he starts to put down the package) Greg, would you mind popping in a cartridge for us, if it’s no bother.
GREG No, it’s no bother. (mimes taking out a cartridge and putting it in as the others look on)
FELICITY Thanks Greg.
MARSHA Thank you, Greg!
GREG No problem, ladies. It’s just another thing Brown can do for you.
(All three exit the scene, pulling out cell phones.
GREG goes downstage right.
MARSHA goes downstage left.
FELICITY goes downstage center.)
FELICITY Sarah? You know that bitch of a temp, Marsha? Well you’ll never believe what just happened!
SCENE 2
LIGHTS & SOUND Signal transition back in time.
(Same scene as before, but from FELICTY’S point of view. MARSHA is catty and backbiting, full of sarcasm. GREG is useless and pathetic.)
MARSHA (enters room as before but with more attitude, more anger) It’s not working! (messes with copier)
FELICITY (enters, cattily) Hello, Marsha.
MARSHA (sneering) Hello, Ms. Walker.
FELICITY (sneering back) Please, call me Felicity. Problems?
MARSHA I can’t seem to get this copier to work. It seems broken.
FELICITY Let me see if I can make it work.
MARSHA Thanks. I’ve never been good with machines. They kind of scare me.
FELICITY You just have to show them who’s boss. Ah, here’s your problem. You’re out of toner.
MARSHA Toner?
FELICITY The ink. It’s out. (starts to look around) Well, help me find some. There should be some around here somewhere.
MARSHA What am I looking for?
FELICITY A box marked “toner.” There should be some around her somewhere. (searches for a bit) And it’s not that scary.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY Machines aren’t that scary. They are predictable. It’s people who are scary. Especially people like that guy who traveled all over the world with an untreatable case of tuberculosis. That’s scary.
MARSHA Yeah, I suppose so.
GREG (enters and coughs to alert the two to his presence) Excuse me, ladies. I’ve got a UPS delivery here.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY What do you have for us… (looks at nametag) Greg?
GREG (looks at box) Errr… toner.
MARSHA (sarcastically) My hero!
FELICITY That’s exactly what we need. You showed up in the nick of time, Greg.
GREG Well, where do you want me to put it?
MARSHA (dismissive) Oh, put it anywhere.
FELICITY (interrupting GREG as he starts to put down the package) Greg, would you mind popping in a cartridge for us, if it’s no bother.
GREG (frightened) No, it’s no bother. (mimes taking out a cartridge and putting it in as the others look on)
FELICITY Thanks Greg.
MARSHA Thank you, Greg!
GREG (scared) No problem, ladies. It’s just another thing Brown can do for you.
(All three exit the scene, pulling out cell phones.
GREG goes downstage right.
MARSHA goes downstage left.
FELICITY goes downstage center.)
MARSHA Mom? You know that really scary supervisor that I told you about, Ms. Walker? Well you’ll never believe what just happened!
SCENE 3
LIGHTS & SOUND Signal transition back in time.
(Same scene as before, but from MARSHA’S point of view - scary and full of suspense. FELICTY is spooky and threatening. GREG is seen as a rescuer.)
MARSHA (enters room timidly, papers in hand, starts to use copier) It’s not working! (messes with copier)
FELICITY (enters) Hello, Marsha.
MARSHA (jumps) Hello, Ms. Walker.
FELICITY (enticingly) Please, call me Felicity. Problems?
MARSHA (stuttering, scared) I can’t seem to get this copier to work. It seems broken.
FELICITY Let me see if I can make it work.
MARSHA Thanks. I’ve never been good with machines. They kind of scare me.
FELICITY You just have to show them who’s boss. Ah, here’s your problem. You’re out of toner.
MARSHA Toner?
FELICITY The ink. It’s out. (starts to look around) Well, help me find some. There should be some around here somewhere.
MARSHA What am I looking for?
FELICITY A box marked “toner.” There should be some around her somewhere. (searches for a bit) And it’s not that scary.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY Machines aren’t that scary. They are predictable. It’s people who are scary. Especially people like that guy who traveled all over the world with an untreatable case of tuberculosis. That’s scary.
MARSHA (really frightened) Yeah, I suppose so.
GREG (enters and coughs to alert the two to his presence, frightening MARSHA) Excuse me, ladies. I’ve got a UPS delivery here.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY What do you have for us… (looks at nametag) Greg?
GREG (looks at box) Errr… toner.
MARSHA My hero!
FELICITY That’s exactly what we need. You showed up in the nick of time, Greg.
GREG Well, where do you want me to put it?
MARSHA (relieved) Oh, put it anywhere.
FELICITY (interrupting GREG as he starts to put down the package) Greg, would you mind popping in a cartridge for us, if it’s no bother.
GREG No, it’s no bother. (mimes taking out a cartridge and putting it in as the others look on)
FELICITY Thanks Greg.
MARSHA Thank you, Greg!
GREG No problem, ladies. It’s just another thing Brown can do for you.
(All three exit the scene, pulling out cell phones.
GREG goes downstage right.
MARSHA goes downstage left.
FELICITY goes downstage center.)
GREG Hey Chuck! You know those really hot office workers who are always giving me the eye at 222 East Third? Well you’ll never believe what just happened!
SCENE 4
LIGHTS & SOUND Signal transition back in time.
(Same scene as before, but from GREG’S point of view – full of lust and double entendre and innuendo. Ham it up!)
MARSHA (enters room, papers in hand, starts to use copier) It’s not working! (messes with copier)
FELICITY (enters, seductively) Hello, Marsha.
MARSHA (smiling) Hello, Ms. Walker.
FELICITY Please, call me Felicity. Problems?
MARSHA I can’t seem to get this copier to work. It seems broken.
FELICITY Let me see if I can make it work.
MARSHA Thanks. I’ve never been good with machines. They kind of scare me.
FELICITY You just have to show them who’s boss. Ah, here’s your problem. You’re out of toner.
MARSHA Toner?
FELICITY The ink. It’s out. (starts to look around) Well, help me find some. There should be some around here somewhere.
MARSHA What am I looking for?
FELICITY A box marked “toner.” There should be some around her somewhere. (searches for a bit) And it’s not that scary.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY Machines aren’t that scary. They are predictable. It’s people who are scary. Especially people like that guy who traveled all over the world with an untreatable case of tuberculosis. That’s scary.
MARSHA Yeah, I suppose so.
GREG (enters and coughs to alert the two to his presence) Excuse me, ladies. I’ve got a UPS delivery here.
MARSHA What?
FELICITY What do you have for us… (looks at nametag) Greg?
GREG Errr… toner.
MARSHA My hero!
FELICITY That’s exactly what we need. You showed up in the nick of time, Greg.
GREG Well, where do you want me to put it?
MARSHA Oh, put it anywhere.
FELICITY (interrupting GREG as he starts to put down the package) Greg, would you mind popping in a cartridge for us, if it’s no bother.
GREG No, it’s no bother. (mimes taking out a cartridge and putting it in as the others look on with lust and passion)
FELICITY Thanks Greg.
MARSHA Thank you, Greg!
GREG No problem, ladies. It’s just another thing Brown can do for you.
(All three exit the scene, pulling out cell phones.
GREG goes downstage right.
MARSHA goes downstage left.
FELICITY goes downstage center.)
ALL THREE You’ll never believe what just happened!
LIGHTS OUT
THE END
Comments
Nice! And you know, in my many yrs of office experience, women do interpret/misinterpret things in just that way. Oh, and when I worked for the health dept., we did have a really hot UPS man!
Posted by: Leah | June 9, 2007 5:23 AM
Leah, it's not just women who do that! But, yeah, as silly and exagerated as it is, it does have some basis in experience.
Posted by: ironic1 | June 9, 2007 10:31 AM
I think it's really cool that you not only get to have fun writing these, but then you get to see others bring them to life. Wish you could YouTube some videos of the production...Duluth's a little far for a night at the theater.
Posted by: Celia Finsel | June 9, 2007 7:33 PM