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It's clear that the Wachowski brothers grew up loving the same stuff I did. Most people won't get Speed Racer, and it's clear from the reviews that the critics don't, but I loved it. It's 1960's pop culture that has grown up, went through a period of existential angst, discovered western philosophy, eastern meditation, art, and sushi, had a few bad romances, and then woke up one day and realized that deep inside it really, really loved itself. This is a perfect film for people who want two hours of utter escapism and be transported into a world where the laws of physics are just slightly askew.
So grab some junk food, get really caffeinated, and prepare to spaz out.
]]>The Get Out Clause produced this video by performing in front of eighty different CCTV cameras all around Manchester and then requesting the footage under the Freedom of Information Act. Brilliant!
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A Houston protester argues that proficiency in English should be a condition for citizenship. Excellent point. May I just point out something about your sign then?]]>
Dr. Pamela Takayoshi, Associate Professor of English at Kent State University, is claiming that IM speak is not just slang but represents a whole other language, separate from English. From the press release:
Instant messaging, or IM, is not just bad grammar or a bunch of mistakes. IM is a separate language form from formal English and has a common set of language features and standards.
While I agree that when you understand the rules of IM speak there is some standardization to it, it is still at its root IM based on English words. I think this becomes a semantical debate as to what constitutes a language. I'd accept that IM speak is a separate and unique dialect of English, but I'm not sure it qualifies as its own unique language. I'm willing to be persuaded otherwise, though.
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I went to see Iron Man yesterday with my buddy, Russ, and was pleasantly entertained. It was a nice rendition of one of my favorite comic book heroes. Robert Downey Jr. was a perfect Tony Stark and Gwyneth Paltrow was... sigh... so beautiful. Probably my favorite scenes in the movie were between these two actors, especially the one in which Stark needs his personal assistant, Pepper Potts, to assist him personally with a delicate, little life and death procedure.
But here's the thing you have to know. If you go to see the movie stay until the very end. There's a fun scene after the credits. I will say no more. Trust me. It's totally worth it.
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You know, I was a real critic of the idea of going to war. I thought it would be long and drawn out and that our mission was unclear. Were we there to remove Saddam Hussein? Were we there to find and disarm WMDs? Were we there to fight al Qaeda? Little did I know that the whole mission would come to such a swift conclusion. I mean, honestly, 3 months for military operations was really exceptionally fast.
But what was more unexpected for me was how prepared the State and Defense Departments were to engage in their very thorough and well planned postwar operations for stabilization and rebuilding. I know, I was really critical of the Bush administration back prewar and I realize how foolish I was now. Now it just seems so self-evident that if you are going to war with the world's largest military that of course you are going to have a strategic plan that makes sure that your military success can be followed up with peace and reconstruction. It just makes sense, doesn't it?
I was also a critic of us going into Iraq unilaterally without the support of the community of nations. I thought this would make us look like a bully and a pariah on the world stage. I guess I didn't understand that we were leading a coalition of countries and that the world would fall in line behind us once they realized the stability and prosperity we were bringing to Iraq.
And, I'm ashamed to say, back prewar I was concerned that our invasion of Iraq would create a breeding ground for terrorists who would be unified and emboldened by our presence there and that we would foster the very thing we were trying to defeat. Boy, was I stupid.
Also I was worried that civil society in Iraq might break down along old ethnic and religious fault lines and that we might end up trying to reconstruct a country ripped apart by civil war. I should have known that our presence would only stabilize Iraqi society and they would greet us like liberators.
Well, now in 2008, all my doubts back in the build up to war look amazingly naive and short sighted. I'm sorry I doubted you, Donald Rumsfeld, and congratulations on your decisive primary victories. I have no doubt, now, that with Bush campaigning for you and your reputation as the architect of our Iraqi victory you will have no problem securing victory in the fall, and deservedly so.
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Zed: Who’s there?
Adam: Who do you think?
Zed: What took you so long? How is it out there?
Adam: How do you think it is out there in the gaping maw of the apocalypse or whatever it is?
Zed: How was it out there… today?
Adam: Do you think I could get a glass of something first?
Zed: What do you want?
Adam: Do we have any scotch left?
Zed: Don’t you remember using the last of it to clean Malden’s wounds?
Adam: That was the last of it?
Zed: You didn’t know that?
Adam: How is Malden, then?
Zed: Any guess why my hands are so dirty?
Adam: You buried him then?
Zed: How about some beer? Would you like a glass?
Adam: Is it clean?
Zed: Is anything here clean? So, how was your journey? How is it out there?
Adam: Do you remember snowglobes? You know how you would look at a snowglobe and everything looks so peaceful and then you turn it upside down and shake it until it’s all just a swirling chaos? Now can you imagine our whole world as a snowglobe in the hands of some cosmic kid? Does that paint a picture?
]]> Zed: Do we know who they are yet? Where they come from? Do we know anything at all?Adam: Did Malden say anything before he died? Did he say anything about the attaché case he was carrying? About what was in there?
Zed: What does that have to do with… ? Was Malden with Thinktank? Do you think he came here from HQ? Do you think he came here to help fight off the invaders?
Adam: Doesn’t it all fit? Didn’t you think it was suspicious how he knew so much about things we had to piece together over the last three weeks? How he knew about the poisonous red spores? How he knew to take cover when the flying creatures wailed?
Zed: Didn’t you suppose he worked it out like we did?
Adam: But then where did he get all of his fancy equipment? Where did he get the hasmat suit?
Zed: Don’t we have hasmat suits too?
Adam: But don’t you think it’s odd how new and well fitted his was? Didn’t you and I have to cobble together our suits from what we could salvage from the surplus store?
Zed: But if Malden was with Thinktank what was he doing out here? Why wasn’t he back at HQ trying to thwart this invasion?
Adam: Do you think HQ matters anymore?
Zed: What are you saying?
Adam: Assuming Malden is… or was with Thinktank, do you really think HQ can help anyone anymore? Do you think, after three weeks, anyone is coming to help us? If there was any hope, do you think Malden would have been out here wandering around in his well fitted hasmat suit and fancy equipment?
Zed: What are we to do? Where are we to go?
Adam: You know what I think?
Zed: What?
Adam: What would you do if you belonged to a well funded, well equipped, super secret, pseudogovernmental organization and you caused a rift in the time-space continuum and hostile extra-dimensional beings invaded your world?
Zed: Is that what you think they are?
Adam: What would you do?
Zed: How should I know? I don’t even have a university education, do I? How would I know what one of those well-to-do, front-of-the-class, know-it-alls would do?
Adam: Have you ever heard the story of the three wizards who found a dead tiger?
Zed: A dead tiger?
Adam: What if we brought him back to life? What if we could do that? What would happen? Why not find out?
Zed: Did they? What happened?
Adam: What do tigers do? Do you think a tiger is grateful when he comes back from the dead? Or do you think he’s just hungry?
Zed: The tiger ate them?
Adam: So, I ask you again, why do you think our friend Malden was out here wandering by himself?
Zed: Are you saying… they were the ones who started this? That Thinktank raised the tiger, so to speak? But what if you’re wrong? What if help is still on the way? There’s no harm in hoping, is there?
Adam: What if we are the hope now? What if we know more than they do? Where’s that attaché case Malden was carrying? Can you hand it to me?
Zed: Should we open this seal? Aren’t we breaking a law or something when we open the seal?
Adam: Do you think that matters any more? Well, what do we have here?
Zed: What did you find?
Adam: Malden, Malden, Malden, what have you wrought? What have you done in the name of knowledge, my dead friend?
Zed: Why didn’t he tell us any of this? See the dates on these files?
Adam: How long have they known about this? How long, I wonder, were they communicating with these beings until they finally convinced Malden or some other schmuck with a degree and an overinflated opinion of himself to open the door and let them in?
Zed: What were they thinking?
Adam: “What immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry? In what distant deeps or skies burnt the fire of thine eyes? On what wings dare he aspire? What the hand dare sieze the fire?”
Zed: What’s that?
Adam: A poem about a tiger.
Of course, Adam is quoting William Blake's "The Tyger," a poem comprised almost entirely of questions.
]]>Emma: Hos... lity
Me: Hosp... t'lity?
Emma: Nope, just Hos, space, space, space, space, lity.
Me: Oh, maybe that's their new slogan...
Emma: What?
Me: "We take the 'pain in the ass' out of 'hospitality.'"
Emma and Simon: Huh?
Then, of course, I had to explain the acronym "PITA." It was what educators call a "teachable moment."
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What began as a wonderful thread going on at the livejournal of Kevin Pease is now a full fledged wiki for the reconstruction of Pulp Fiction as if it had been written by William Shakespeare.
Here's a sample:
JULES: Your pardon; did I break thy concentration?]]>
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
BRETT: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: Thou sayest thou dost hail from distant What?
I know but naught of thy fair country What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Hath he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Hath he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou sought to rape him like a chattel whore!
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With aught but Lady Wallace, whom he wed.
Commenter 1 - I give tacit support for your love of X, but somewhat less enthusiastic support than yours.
Commenter 2 - I point out certain deficits in X, but affirm Blogger X as having the right to hold that opinion.
Commenter 3 - I don't like X because of some childhood trauma.
Commenter 4 - I don't like X because of its negative impact on the environment, cultural morals, or because X is a cheap imitation of Z.
Commenter 5 - I affirm Z as being better. X sucks.
Commenter 6 - X sucks.
Commenter 7 - X sucks more than Z but Z sucks too.
Commenter 8 - X sucks and Blogger X sucks.
Commenter 9 - I defend Blogger X and cast aspersions upon Commenter 8.
Commenter 8 - Commenter 9 sucks.
Commenter 1 - I try to calm everyone down.
Commenter 8 - Commenter 1 is a self righteous prig.
Commenter 5 - I roll my eyes.
Admin - Stop it.
Commenter 8 - Admin sucks.
Commenter 7 - Yeah, what Commenter 8 said.
Admin - Ban.
Commenter 8 as Commenter 10 - You all suck. I launch into a diatribe against everybody.
Admin - Come on guys.
Commenter 1 - This used to be such a good blog.
Commenter 3 - This is all Blogger X's fault, really.
Blogger X - Meh?
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Just in time for Earth Day I thought I'd share my own form of conservation of umbrella resources. I don't own an umbrella. I have, in the past, owned a panoply of crappy black umbrellas that you can pick up for $5 or so, but I always end up losing them or leaving them places, which has led to my current practice.
If I ever really need an umbrella, which is very rare, maybe once a year or less, I simply walk into a nearby restaurant or shop and approach the cashier and say, "Hi! Can I check your Lost and Found? I think I left a black umbrella the last time I was here." Almost invariably there is a black umbrella in the Lost and Found and the clerk is more than happy to get rid of it.
Now, for those of you who will immediately say this is unethical I'd agree that, nominally, there is some prevarication involved but, in its favor, I'd posit the following.
First of all, it's sustainable. Reusing otherwise idle umbrellas languishing in some Lost and Found cuts down on capricious use of resources.
Secondly, it passes Kant's categorical imperative. What if everyone did this? Well, that would mean that umbrellas would actually get used and people wouldn't buy umbrellas that they didn't need. Eventually it is possible that Lost and Founds might divest themselves of umbrellas, and then the market will correct itself with people buying more umbrellas, but I really don't see that happening in my lifetime. So, in my opinion, if everyone did this it would be a net good.
Third, it's not like I haven't invested in the umbrella economy. I have, in fact, donated many umbrellas to the glut of abandoned umbrellas that clog Lost and Found boxes.
So be kind to the earth and check your local Lost and Found for an umbrella next time you need one.
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I went to a production of Blithe Spirit last night at a local high school. It had a Director's Note like none I've ever seen. Most Director's Notes for plays fall into the following categories:
This page long "note," however, read like a paper on British-Indian relations in the middle of the 20th century when Great Britain was divesting itself of its colonial possessions. When I got to the bottom of this dissertation it was all because of two lines in the play that disparage Indians and how they decided to leave the lines in even though they are "offensive" and how they do "not in any way condone these beliefs."
I rolled my eyes.
I had never seen Blithe Spirit, though I knew the gist of it. Fabulous dead wife returns from the dead to haunt living husband and domineering living wife. So it was fun for me, considering the lengthy disclaimer in the Director's Notes, to see what this Catholic High School thought wasn't worth disclaiming...
Oh, and not only did these brief comments merit a full page disclaimer, but were the main topic of the opening curtain speech which went on for several minutes. Nothing about how hard the kids had worked on the play or how fun the play was to do. Nope, the director seemed bent on making sure no one was offended.
And that, unfortunately, is what it all comes down to... making sure no one is offended. And, of course, this is evidence of social psychosis. Because we can't control what offends people any more than we can control what makes people sad, or happy, or angry. I mean, sure, it's good to be considerate, but it's a slippery slope to start apologizing for certain things and leaving other issues out. And if we can only do plays that don't offend anyone well, there goes Shakespeare, Moliere, Eugene O'Neill, Tennessee Williams, and, well, just about any other playwright of note.
So, to all the artists out there, I hereby give you permission to make art that may offend me. Go for it.
]]>This too shall pass.
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